The Belt in the Room

I know everyone is waiting with bated breath for my next post which is due next Sunday (it will still come). I felt it was necessary to speak about the issues regarding discipline and spanking children in response to the most recent incident with Adrian Peterson. There is a myth that homeschoolers beat their kids and they homeschool so no one knows the horrors the kids go through, As an unschooling mother of 6 kids, who was a former child welfare worker, I do state right here and now that I was a spanker and still believe in spanking. Before I get into the "was"... let me say that I really wanted to post this because I am truly tired of people looking down on other people's choices to discipline. What works for some doesn't work for others. Parents need to know their children and use discipline accordingly. I recall a term used when I was younger: hardheaded...man on man did my mom think I was hardheaded. She always used to say "hard heads make soft behinds".  That's when I knew I needed to knock it off.  I am sure some people as gasping and ready to close this blog however please understand that I am only speaking for myself and not justifying what Peterson's intentions were. I am from a family which used physical discipline as a deterrent. I also used it as a deterrent. As an educated woman who takes what she learns and tries to apply lessons to the practice of living my life as a wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, community member and social worker, I learned as a child welfare worker that there were other alternatives to spanking and used them...guess what... many times they worked and many times they don't. I have seen the difference in my kids who I no longer spank...they don't take me seriously until I put bass in my voice (yell). #1. My kids are too big to be spanking, so I don't. #2. As unschoolers there is not much to take away. #3, I have tried talking until I am blue in the face and my house, their rooms, their chores are no longer being done because I really don't have anything to restrict. (can't take cellphones, 2 of the kids pay for their own; the youngest doesn't talk to anyone on hers anyway...she just makes Vines on hers.). My house is a wreck. There are few consequences except for the word "no" or "if and then" statements. My kids do respect me and I respect them. They know mom doesn't play and they know when mom is not happy. There is a lot of prompting, but there are times when no one has time for all of the reminders."Git 'er done"... But they are kids and kids try to get away with EVERYTHING. That's their job. Now if you ask my kids when the last time I told them "good job", hugged them or told them that I loved them, I bet they would be able to tell you the time or day within the last 3-4 days when I did so. They are my everything and I enjoy spending time with them and watching them grow.  I believe my husband and I have a good balance and we enjoy our kids and they like being around us. For example, my feistiest child just went to Italy. She spoke so much about her positive relationship with us that the group leader made it a point to let us know as soon as the bus arrived that she has never heard a 16 year old talk about how much they love their parents.  We love her to pieces...when she gets up at 3 am with an attitude we don't like her so much,..but we love her lots. My husband and I have gotten to the place where we have been so angry that we had to be a support for each other to not to go there with the kids because we now understand that anger cannot be behind the spanking. We do know that we are the adults and we are not trying to show the kids we don't like them or want them so we have to chill out. Are we human, yup! Do we make mistakes, yup!. Do my kids think that I spanked them because I didn't love them, no!. I feel confident that I raised good kids who are respectful to others (constantly noted) and to each other. We are a family and this is the methods we used  to teach our children. I have seen people who were spanked and subsequently traumatized and others who think they deserved it most of the time and felt they came out fine.  I think if we as friends. family, community members feel a child is being abused and not disciplined, it should be reported. As I said earlier, I am not the judge or jury on the Peterson case, but maybe he needs some insight on parenting as well. That belt in the room is not going away and these are conversations which are needed to be had.