Welcome To Our World

Feel free to ask questions and exchange ideas; no insults, disrespect of our family or other guests will be tolerated.

Sunday, September 14, 2014

                                                         Throwing My Kids to the Wind

      I was reading an article the other day about how birds learn how to fly. What surprised me was that based on how their baby acts determines what method the mother will use to help them learn how to fly. Some chicks need to be scaffolded (supported)/ reinforced, for a while, then eventually the mother will do things, such as leave the food a little further from the nest in order to encourage the chick to venture out of the nest and learn to use their wings. At other times, the mother just literally kicks the chick out of the nest...see where I am going with this???? What a great analogy. These birds are an example of how my husband and I have had to treat each child differently, based on their ability. Many times I have been questioned about my decision to allow my children to do specific things or people wonder what made us make that choice. Our kids did. For example, when Julian wanted to go overseas I was a little  hesitant because of many factors. Money, accessing the program (of course the trip she wanted to go on had a home group from NJ...3 hours away, which is where we trekked to, every month), money, commitment on my, hubby and her part and money. However nervous I was, I sat down with her, helped her develop a fundraising plan (part of which included her getting a job and holding a concert) and then we allowed her to implement it. Every once in a while, I had to check in to see how she progressed but I stood back, most of the time and allowed her efforts to expand. At times, my husband had to show Julian how to engage people in our community, but once Julian  got the first donation and  confirmation letter, she was able to take the reigns and became really excited. Julian ended up getting all of the money she needed (1/2 in fundraising efforts) and went on a awesome 21 day trip to 7 countries through the People to People Student Ambassador Program (http://www.peopletopeople.com/). It was not easy, I almost went broke lol,  but Julian learned lessons about community, family supports, reciprocity (she does so many good things within the community; thus people did so for her). She could really see what she could accomplish by persevering. I can't imagine having to prod her through another process, ever again. She can check in as much as she likes, but I trust her decisions. There were many different experiences that I knew my kids had interests in (a child wanting to go to college in NYC; a child wanting to join the Marines at age 17; a young adult contemplating moving away from family to start her own family; a child not wanting to go to college but explore theater (we are still working on her); a child who wanted a real job) but were hesitant to make that first step. We had to bait them with the eventual outcome, Almost as if we were sideline coaches: " You can do it...You Got This!!!!; You will do so well...what's the worst that can happen?" Of course they're fearful and prefer to remain close to home however our belief is that they have the ability to grow from so many experiences that at times, we need to just throw the kids to the wind,...and watch them fly.

2 comments:

  1. Great article about letting go and trusting. . Yet another lesson for them to learn.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. tonitalove,com you are so right. This has been a lifelong lesson for us and while there have been struggles about whether we were doing the right thing...it feels right and it feels ok. Thanks for your feedback. Stay tuned,

      Delete

Would love to hear your feedback...